whats been going on so far
recently I went wake-boarding with sherm and li-zhen
then there was also Y.E.S.
well thats been the main 2 events recently unless you count the month
where my parents and brother's family went to U.K. for 3 and a half weeks where
I was home alone.
old blog new look
decided to change the old blog and add a few new things. I just redid the old blog so as to have a background pic of me as well as change the color of the font in the blog skin, changed the song too.
changing the codes were a real pain but I think I can now attempt to make my own blog skin from scratch.
THINKING
Thought about you a lot today (not Nicole). cant seem to get you out of my mind lately
what do I have to do to lead a normal life where I can be truly happy?
haven't felt truly happy in a long time.
Have been kicked out of tp cause i failed my exams. Its not that I want to fail or i dint study
so would appreciate it if people dint call me a failure. I am just tired of getting demoralized by the ones i call "friends". so much for standing by me through thick and thin. I don't know what friendship is anymore but wiki defines it as " a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people." haven't felt supported much lately
"why on earth did you not study" is the most common remark
or "I told you to study right!". little do they know this is so degrading to me that there is no self worth anymore.
But can i disagree with them? not really cause before i say a word they have switched to another topic.
i don't belong anywhere. not in tp, not in wake boarding, not in church and not at home.
and why on earth have i fallen so hard for someone 5 years younger then myself who wants nothing to do with me?
its best i go to army for every ones sake. then ill Be out of their hair faster cause once I'm on that plane to aus I'm not coming back.
I havent posted for a very long time and thats cause i have been rather blue lately
well here is why i am blue.
1. broke up with Nicole and still have no clue why she acted in such a manner
2. stressed out and tired from pressures that are presented in front of me from different ministries in church
3. getting ignored by someone from church who i used to like before Nicole
4. idiots who don't know how easily hurt i am go teasing be bout my break up.
5. high expectations placed on me by peers
there is many more but i wont bore you with the details.
i am really stressed out and the only one that can help me is the Lord.
a few close friends wont do any harm either.
To Nicole
Nicole if you are reading this I want you to know I'm trying my best to cling on
but it feels like its turn to a one sided relationship.
You don't answer my calls, smses, canceled four of our dates and hardly can tell when I'm real hurt.
Do you mean for it to be over?
Do you want me gone?
The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to gray
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
a poem i recently wrote
some may know the reason
I never will forget the day I saw a dream walking. Her name was (cant revel name). Her long and wavy hair cascading down her shoulders caressing her back, with a smile beneath two twinkling eyes making anyone who received it feel very special.
While her physical beauty was astounding it was her invisible beauty I shall always remember. She really cared about people and was an extremely talented listener. Her sense of humor could brighten your entire day and her wise words were always exactly what you needed to hear. She was not only admired but also genuinely respected by members of both sexes. With everything in the world to be conceited about she was extremely humble.
Needless to say she was every guys dream especially mine. I got to walk her to the bus and even got to eat lunch with her. That day the sunset in raining streams of crimson gold.
I would think “if only I could have a girlfriend like (name), Ill’ never look at another girl again” but I figured that some one this outstanding was probably dating someone far better then myself. Even if she was single I just knew I dint stand even a ghost of a chance.
Hello
have not blogged in some time. okok a long time.
lots has happened from the last time i blogged.
have had exams in sch now on 51 days break, had annoying ppl around me, went back to chec for teachers day and so on.
but am busy now so will blog again hopefully soon.
oh and if you can tell im a lot more cheerful
What on earth was I thinking
why did I not join the nameless 19 year old boys for lunch even if an ice cream lunch would have made me feel sick. Why did I join a group that has the girl I'm trying so hard to get over in it?
nvm bout that why did I latter agree to go and watch "Wanted" with them?
what was I thinking???
CRAP lah
Hi world
as some of you have seen and commented on my last post i do admit it is a bit morbid.
anyway today i went wake boarding :) had great time poking fun at Afina while waiting for my turn to go. it all started with me looking over the side of the dock and spotted fish and called her over little did i know she had an evil plan to push me into the water and get soaked all over again.
wake boarding with Nigel and Afina is fun they are really cool peeps. anyway i do hope to be able to go wake boarding with the rest of the fresh i's in wake boarding. then it would be loads of fun.
pics will be uploaded in a few days
ObituariesLeslie Gorrie, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate. He was 19 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Leslie never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a girl whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, Leslie secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. No-no. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Leslie was described as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him" . Ultimately Leslie concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.
(a friend wrote it for me.)
What can I say other then I hate my life. I don't hate the fact that I'm alive but what Ive done to make it this way.
What on earth am I talking bout you may ask.
I don't like the fact that I can see my friends slipping through my fingers and theres not a single thing I can do to stop it.
I dont like the fact that I had to study just so I don't have to think of a particular person.
I hate the fact that I have gone pass the Emo stage and now am in depression (which a friend confirmed last night)
I hate the fact that I am forced to make very drastic changes just so that I don't loose every one that I hold dear to.
I make very rash decisions nowadays for example , I have decided to opp for NDU when I enter N.S. what is that you may ask, it stands for the Navel Diving Unit. The training is similar to the U.S. navy seals. they push you to the limit and further. they are the only lot of n.s men to still receive "hell week" where you have training for 72 hours followed by 4 hours sleep and then another 72 hours training. It is a choice that I have made just so that i will aways be active and not let thought of mine drift. Its when they drift thats when i become depressed.
why do you think i am in so many activities such as wake boarding, photography, public speaking and leading a group of sec 2's on Sunday. its all done so i can be kept active and not drift off to nothingness
all I hope now is that i have made the right choice.
Church Camp
Just came back form church camp yesterday. had lots of fun there.
Day One... we left sg at 7am went by the causeway and traveled most of the way without stopping except when we stopped at a rest house for breakfast where we had A&W and KFC then we went to the hotel where we checked in and brought our bags up to the room
Latter we when to another hotel nearby just to see what it looked like.
After that we went back to the hotel and I went swimming with Amanda, Audry, Ariel(tay) and Debora Lam.
There was dinner and then we had worship before the speaker session.
after that i went to sit in the lobby as i wanted to read my book and not disturb my parents who were sleeping
Day Two
Came down for breakfast
After breakfast there was worship and then speaker session then group time
after that there was lunch then I went swimming again this time Abian joined us
then there was dinner then another speaker session then Amanda, Audry, Ariel, Darius, Daniel Yee and myself went to play pool
After all that i went to bed
Day Three
very similar to day 2
breakfast, speaker session lunch
then we played captains ball then went swimming(again)
then dinner then another speaker session
talked to Amanda for a while bout the difficulties of life
then another round of pool
then bed
fourth day
breakfast, last worship,communion, packed bags checked out had lunch and chatted with friends. before we set off
ate dinner at jalan pata(ate lemmonchicken, sambal kangkong,siao bai chai with oystersauce,chaqua with mayo and salted egg crab)
GREAT TRIP!
Church camp
Ill be away at church camp in Malaysia from wed to sat.
if you need to contact me well i wont be available but you can drop me an email or sms and ill get back to you when i can(as if you will need me)
anyway ill guess ill catch up with all of you who read when i get back
Gorrie Out
Have you ever had the feeling the world is moving past you and you are standing still?
have you ever been in that kinda spot where you want to know whats going on but at the same time not really want to be involved?
well thats me. I see my world flashing so quickly before me, it was as if I got off at a train stop and the rest of those I know continued on that train. now even though I caught the next train i still cannot catch up with them. For those who know me know what I'm talking bout but for those who don't I'm talking bout my education.
I have wasted 2 extra years, first year was wasted by doing sec 5 and second year was wasted by re doing my o's. If i compare my self to most other guys who go to J.C then i am behind them by 3 years as I am in Poly. If i compare myself to a girl who went to J.C then i am 5 years behind them cause after poly I still have army. This i guess is the cost of getting off the train when it is not your stop. Lots of my dreams and hopes were royally flushed and now I am left with tiny scraps of what I have once hoped for.
Theres must be a greater purpose for me behind all this just what is it?
Ubin
hey peeps if you were wondering how come i was not in church today was cause i was at ubin camping there with pri 4-6 kids and a gp of enthu HC ppl.
This was the ppl in my gp
as you probably can tell the one in purple T is me,the one in gray and the one next to me are the other 2 leaders.
Our camp site
Cycling to Chek Jawa.
All the leaders had very little sleep and we were all sleeping on either a ground sheet or a hard plastic board on the beach. I ended up stargazing and chatting with Karmen bout what i should do to get over this person who I have been trying to get over for more then a year.
and ofcourse our group fun would not been complete wit out Dom's rolling bhuda thunder(inside joke)
even the kids were quite funny when it came to me talking to any girl with them jumping to conclusions that i am attached to them......
the kids sort of bring out the inner child i think and makes the world less complicatedly
but of course reality hits you once you are on the boat ride home and remember all the worries and troubles that await you when you arrive home( I'm talking bout my maths exam that I have tomorrow)
Oh well thats part and parcel of life i guess
Now all I need to do is try and remember a few formulas.
Wakeboarding
The boat(it aint me in the water)
Must try to get back in the V shape
Change of ppl
after second service Yam peeps went to PP for lunch where we could not decide where to go to eat.
I dont blame Gavin for getting pissed cause at first we said lets eat at fish and co then they found out that the air con was broken co we went to the food court where it was too crowded. so we went to swensons to eat but then there one dint want to wait for the que. so we back tracked to HK cafe to eat. poor gavin who had to walk around to cool off cause he hated the fact that the group could not decide. after lunch i went to borders with Wes, Amanda and ivy's friend then i came home and used the com a bit and crashed for bout 3 hours cause my legs were killing me cause i think i strained my muscle so my whole body was aching.
cant wait till next mon cause i start dry training for wake boarding and then ill be part of TP wake board team.
I love wakeboarding
Today i went wakeboarding at 3pm at kalang with TP for a intro course.
It was super fun cause i was able to stand on my first attempt and was able to follow the boat when it was turning.
as well as move out of the V shape wave made by the boat. compared to the rest that went for the intro course i looked like a pro cause i was able to weave in and out of waves and able to stand for the longest period with out falling. I should try to learn how to jump next time.
when coming back to the dock i was quite excited cause the boat would pull you till you are close to the dock and then you let go of the rope. i love the thrill of the timing all being up to you,if you let go too early and have to swim back or too late and crash in to the dock or worst still over shoot and have a long distance to swim or release the rope at the right timing and glide in. The main thrill of it would be when you know you are in control of everything and what you do alone can change the outcome.
Ill upload the shots next time
I came home smelling like a fish tank and quickly had a shower and changed to meet jc and we went to church to watch transformers showed by yam. latter went to simpang as she wanted to have some longang drink
Forget the title
Its high time i gave up on putting a title for every post.
haha today was a bit weird. i went to church as usual and then had to go and teach my class, they ain't exactly a walk in the park if you know what I mean. Firstly there is Linus who insist on sitting on the chair while the rest of us sit on the floor. then there is Shaun who likes making a lot of noise and flings stuff around class(anything from paper to Christmas deco), he does not have a long attention span so i don't blame him. then there is Michael who likes to hide under a cloth and calls himself Mother Teresa or like today made it into a bomb shelter. There are a few others with weird habits such as being crazy bout"ang mors " and one who skips class to sit by himself in the fellowship deck till we dismiss class. Strangely enough I find them quite an entertaining bunch who aways has energy. Well I guess they have their own perspective on how lessons should be taught. After class i went down to the fellowship deck and started pondering on my life and what can I actually say i have achieved from it. I could not come up with anything of substance. It was either too small a feat or not completed. Aunt Dot came to talk to me to see if I had a plan and goal in life after poly which makes me realize that I payed far too much attention to present then the future. I don't mean I am going to drop living for today and plan for the next 60 years but more of that i should be looking at what is in front of me and not at my feet. After all ain't I meant to be focusing on Jesus and not the water I walk on? I was once asked who am I willing to die for. My answer was simple. If in the before, during or after my death someone comes to know the Lord then my death was worth the while.
Time for update
as some of you know I am currently in TP.
what most don't know is what has happened to me after that.
Well heres a bit of extra info. I am in TP mechatronics (it has nothing to do with transformers)
It is a course which comprises of mechanical engineering and electrical engineering.
I have joined 4 CCA's in the process of being in tp. these would be Toast masters(not bread kinda toast)it has to do with public speaking, visual central(aka photography) SME(mechatronics study club) and wake boarding.
So far i have been through 2 weeks of poly life and it is quite entertaining with little weird quirks of my classmates. I have to admit TP modern dance(hip hop) is quite cool(its only cool cause they used a Christian song as their background music).
so far ive adjusted quite well within my class and so far am taking a different approach to my class mates as compared to secondary school.
oh well thats kinda it for the past 2 weeks and I think I shall update a bit more during these 3 years.
Lunch on Sun
lunch on Sunday is something I look forward to every week
usually end up with the Yam ppl but once in a while it is some other group.
like easter Sunday was with the J1 group at macs where we kept making fun of Ryan and Tabitha.
then on 30 April (last Sunday) went with the yam group which had Joleen, Selene, Shu ling, Daniel, Ivan, Han ling, some guy (sry cant remember name) and myself . Was quite fun going there cause we were sitting in Joleen's car and she was freaking out when it came to parallel parking. she actually is a very good driver just lacks the self confidence and it dint help when we all were going about saying that we all must wear seat belts and cling on for dear life. we all got to simpang safely and we were enjoying the different comments that were flying across the table like how when Joleen drives all we can see are two hands at the wheel quite mean of us but as Gavin was not there we could not really say much bout him apart from that he would need stilts in order to step on the peddles(the car is a Toyota picnic by the way) felt kinda fed up that i was the only one at the table that does not have a license, but am going for basic theory test soon so at least I would hopefully be able to drive soon(cant wait to be able to drive) have been considering going to Perth to visit a friend of mine who has been bugging me to go over from the time I was in sec 2. maybe after i get my driving license then at least i can rent a car so i wont be a burden on his family.
maybe ill go and find part time work over there(farm work) they say that fruit picking brings in bout 3k per month but problem is that it is super hard work and your fingers are sore after that. it would help my guitar playing....
oh well got a go
see you around peeps
Hmmm
I just realized that i should blog more now that I'm free but the problem is that when I'm free there is nothing to blog about.
ok ok so now what?
well theres talking bout what i did in the day which makes this blog sound so cliché but yet again why not.
some days I have to wake up at 6 am make milk for my nephew,
get up feed the cat let the cat out of the back door wake my nephew up,
go and get his breakfast ready, entertain him till noon when someone is able to take over.
when I'm done with that i have to go and search for a job(I know no one hires for less then a month but it gets my mum off my tail)
after that I would go and bring my nephew to the playground as a reward for finishing his lunch
after that I would come home shower and once a month Ill check my accounts so I can plan for the future(I have started saving for down payment for the mortgage of a house)
so that is kinda what I do.
Ultra laggy post
The long awaited post.........
ok ok maybe not that long awaited
but anyway
I got the olymups U770
What is that? it is the camera which can go underwater.
IT goes to depths of 10 meters, shock proof from 1.5 meters, freez proof to -10 degrees c and crush proof by 100kg(no you may not drop it!)
I got it for $499 after discount from $712
Second part of news
I have been accepted into TP doing mechatronics (let me guess you are going to ask what is that, and no it does not have anything to do with transformers.)
It is a combination of mechanical engine and electronics. after that i will be allowed to choose what I want to specialize in where ill most likely opp for aerospace engineering.
Third part of news
I have been asked to be the official photographer for my niece's birthday
so i can now test out my camera and all the different functions. whooo
oh well all said and done I still have to go for some medical checkup for poly where they want to test my hemoglobin level and x-ray, and have no clue why they want it.
wondering if i should go for a haircut. I have to admit it is a bit messy and long and the back is long enough to tie up which annoys my mum like anything.
Maybe ill cut it just before poly starts. : )
Ya right...
now whats wrong with this picture?
Ill tell you whats wrong
Its a test I found on a friend's blog
and the results are super phooey
for one she only got 7 out of 10 guys liking her
and she is one of the sweetest, nicest, and most carrying person I have ever met.
she would go all out to help you and would aways be the best person for advice.
As for me I am nowhere near that sort of standard although I hope to be some day
She is one of those girls who most if not all guys dream to date and are super lucky if the do
they should count their blessings to be able to go out with her.
I am blessed to be her friend.
truly she is a special and and wonderful friend and god sis
CNY
cny tmr but i aint looking forward much to it
all the tradition and protocols and which person has to be called by which title.
such hassle in a way, i dont actually mind the visiting part but when it comes to who to visit first and because of age and rank and huge squabbles between certain extended family members it usually means we have to visit without letting the other party knowing.
all the traditions about having new clothes and must have red and not a single bit of black is a bit annoying actually why cant we break customs and actually enjoy ourselves during this new year after all it should be about getting together and updating each other about our going ons in our life.
Anyway I feel its time to change the subject.
I want to buy the olympus u 790(the underwater camera)
been saving up but am still falling short.
oh well guess i need to save up more and most likely use some of the cny angpow money
valentine's day is also coming
I still see not a big deal with it(most likely cause I'm single)
all I see is cupid going trigger happy(pictures cupid with a giant machine gun and heart tipped bullets).
but seriously valentine's day is a time where most guys go broke and and girls grumble of growing fat.
oh well I guess one day Ill understand what all the fuss about V-day is about. until then Ill just don on some cupid Kevlar
Its over
I think I can actually say its over.
I have finally gotten over her.
Today I saw her sitting in the second row and actually felt nothing. It felt like as if I dint even know her and had no feelings towards her what so ever. I can still feel like theres something clinging on but I guess that feeling would aways be there.
oh well anyway I'm going to Chiang Mai on the 11th of dec, cant wait.
Love this song Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA This song is super meaningful to me
its actually a bit contradictory if you listen to it carefully.
one minute the guy is saying he misses the person but the chorus he says he doesn't miss hem at all. guess thats a bit like how I feel.
I still miss her but am telling myself that I cant
Missing You /Tyler Hilton
Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I wonder why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time just thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
But it's my heart that's vacant
Down this long distance line tonight
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what I might say
There's a message in the wires
And I'm sending you a signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
But it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long dusty road of mine
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
If I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartache overload
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what your friends say
Hey, yeah... yeah
Yeah, yeah
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you, no...
HA
Just when I thought I was getting over her I had another flare up of emotions
fighting like anything to get over her but it is kinda pointless cause the more i fight the more painful it is
I guess I have to let her go completely before i can actually move on
was told today that I should focus more on myself then her well being and that she would be able to fend for herself.
Even when tonight Trackers BBQ I was thinking of her and how home sick she is
wishing I could be the one away instead of her but yet again it would be another difficult suation
I would use this time to applogise to her cause I wont be there for her as quickly as I used to be
I now have to go my own way and do whats best for me
Gotta go my own way
[Gabriella]
I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..
[Chorus]
I've go to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..
[Chorus
[Troy]
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?
[Gabriella]
What about trust?
[Troy]
You know I never wanted to hurt you
[Gabriella]
and what about me?
[Troy]
What am I supposed to do?
[Gabriella]
I gotta leave but I'll miss you
[Gabriella]
So
I've got to move on and be who I am
[Troy]
Why do you have to go?
Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
[Troy]
I'm trying to understand
[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
[Troy]
I want you to stay
[Gabriella]
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am
[Troy]
What about us?
[Gabriella]
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
[Troy]
I'm trying to understand
[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
SatSat was quite fun. cycled to ECP for the sports day thingy where Daniel and I were meant to cycle but some how ended up not. anyway then i got grabbed into playing soccer which i cant stand playing so i managed to sneak out by playing captains ball instead. 
reminded me a lot of the days when i was in trackers and it was a daily thing to play captains ball.
Brings back good memories all but the girls screaming in my ear hoping i would drop the balloh well guess i have to wait a few more months then i can play captains ball again.
SongsBeen listening to this song by High School Musical(When There Was Me And You )makes me reflect on my situation but also makes me feel like I have to be strong enough to pull my self out of this mess.When There Was Me And You(high school musical)It's funny when you find yourself Looking from the outsideI'm standing here but all I wantIs to be over thereWhy did I let myself believe Miracles could happenCause now I have to pretendThat I don't really careI thought you were my fairytaleA dream when I'm not sleepingA wish upon a starThat's coming trueBut everybody else could tellThat I confused my feelings with the truthThat there was me and youI swore I knew the melodyThat I heard you singingAnd when you smiledYou made me feelLike I could sing alongBut then you went and changed the wordsNow my heart is emptyI'm only left with used-to-be'sOnce upon a songNow I know your not a fairytaleAnd dreams were meant for sleepingAnd wishes on a starJust don't come trueCause now even I tellThat I confused my feelings with the truthCause I liked the viewThat there was me and youI can't believe thatI could be so blindIt's like you were floatingWhile I was fallingAnd I didn't mindCause I liked the viewThought you felt it tooWhen there was me and you
Getting worstlife for me has been getting worst, I find myself drifting off to nothingnessI am often stoning and not really thinking of anything.It got much worst tonight when they showed high school musical.there are those few who know why it made me emo but for the rest just aske me when you want. dont feel like talking much more am just going to curl up amd sleep it off.
LoveLove for me ain't been going too well. I mean there is live in my family and of course i live the company of friends but there's this missing factor in my life. OK OK I admit I'm beating around the bush once again. The factor is the girl Ive been talking about in my past few post.Time and time again I find I'm telling myself not to think of her but the thought seems to have fasten it self in my mind the more I try to remove it. The only solution would be to engulf myself in a huge pile of work, this would also include my most dreaded subject POA(I hate it) and am doing surprisingly well for it. (still hate it)I cannot even remember the number of times i have told my self this saying,"If you really love her, you will learn to let her go." but till now I still have not learned. Man I'm slow.Been a bit Unmyself lately but yet again Ive never been truly my self from the age of 10 so am still trying to figure that out.Guess like what they what they say "life is hard all around".
Emo (part 2) OK I'm still a bit emo now, but at least I know her flight landed safelyI was tracking the flight with this system which the Perth Airport website providesand I could see where the flight was and stuff.I was cross checking with Changi airport website and seeing how early the flight was compared to the ETA they had given.Feeling a bit better that her feet are on the ground and she is a bit safer. now I need to worry about myself and what on earth I'm going to do for my speech tmr which i have to present in front of the whole class. How I wish I was 5 once again where i was carefree and the worries of the world dint have any effect on me.
"EMO" For those that know me well, you probably know why Ive been "emo" for the past few weeksToday was no different, if anything today was worst of allCan you imagine the girl of your dreams is sitting right in front of you and you cant do anything about it. You can try and ignore the fact and carry on eating lunch but yet again there is this longing to be able to say something that does not make you sound like a total idiot.Small talk as it is called is extremely hard to do when your words become slurred and you are trying your best to sound as if nothing is bothering you.It does not help when you know that girls can pick up on these little things which guys just brush off.I went latter from Changi airport to Tampines on bus 34 excuse I gave was that I had to buy someone a present but in actual fact was that i wanted a tiny bit more time with herTo know that she would be flying off 4 hours later was a heart breaker, I just knew I would not be able to take the fact of her flying off. Its like I would be worst off.So at Tampines I got off at the stadium and walked with her to the traffic lights before we split directions. I latter walked to the bus interchange and took bus 10 home.Came home i quickly went to my room and tried to nap so it would waste the time awayI woke up at the oddest time. I woke up at 7.15 pm and later on found out that she left at 7.16pm due to some flight delayWhat on earth had I woken up at that time forWas I meant to say good bye?You know the only thing that kept my mind off this would be my recklessness of mine last night while exploring the old changi hospital and how actually even though i wanted to see "something" there was nothing to be seen excpt an old buildingthe grave yard was windy even though the trees dint move and the nurses quarters had a strong smell of medicine and felt like the air con was on but all windows were smashed and doors were missing.Oh wait I did see the guard's dog which many have been chased by but actually neither dog or guard exist. I saw the dog on the second story while i was on the third. Ran down to find it but somehow it was not there.Was searching high and low for the guard but also could not find himat least i manged to use that to distract me most of today when ever i thought of her.Wonder what ill have to think of tomorow?
Email Ok I do admit my past 3 post have been rather emo(some say "rather" is an understatement)Anyway, It was about this girl i had a huge crush on("huge" is an understatement)Ok back to point. I being the dumb one as usual sent her an email after I got rejected, became friends again(she made me promise her if I wanted to be her friend, I could not like her)and on top of that, to the point of it not ever happeningbut silly and dumb me had to send an email to her.Here it is.
Dear ******,
I don't know how to put this but I feel we cant be friends. In all my life I have not broken a promise I have made to anyone, but i feel I'm about to. You made me promise that I cannot like you if I want to be friends with you. I feel I cant and am truly sorry that I have failed you and don't want to go back on my word especially to you. That is why this will be the last time you hear from me, at least till I can regain control over my emotions. Maybe God planed things this way, where all you were placed in my life for was to draw me closer to Him.I don't know but all i can say is that I hope that you will have a bright future ahead and a smooth sailing life. Knowing that you are happy will keep me going and focus. I never thought Ill be saying this but this maybe my final goodbye, but I leave you with something I wrote
The thing that I must findThat I must seekIs more then a hugOr a kiss on the cheek
It may take a long timeMaybe a yearDays will go byBut I must not fear
For one day soonIll look back in the pastAnd remember the dayI found true love at last.
Today Today was one of the most trying days I've had thus by far.The kids were alright to look after although I was more worried that they get injured or lost then they were.Came back to church and was super lethargic about doing anything and just wanted to sit down and stone. Got up to talk to Andrew for a while and when I was returning to the table, who should I see standing there but *******. My body went stiff, adrilin rushed trough my veins and my lips went pale. I did a 180 and got out of there as soon as possible, tears welded up in my eyes as feelings and emotions came flooding back, as if some one had kept them behind a dam and now had open the doors fully. I walked calmly back to the table although I felt I left my insides behind. Why did I bother staying in church for the service to end when I could not attend it anyway?Would it have been better if I dint see her?If these feelings I have are not from God, why does He not take them away.Is it my falt things turned out this way?Where did I go wrong?
Sorry sorry about my previous 2 post i know some got quite freaked abt it and theres a reason for the post and will blog abt it soon anyway i promise you i wont do anything rash if thats what you are thinking.
In continuation of my last post Ever seen a car passing and having an urge to jump in its path, been to the top of a building and have the feeling of jumping? Ending your life with one quick slash across the wrist would make it so fast and remove this inner pain I feel. The thing that stops me from doing so would be the fact that if I do such it would mean Ill go to hell where the situation there would be far worst then now. But I wonder sometimes, if i did die how would i be remembered? Would anyone come to my funeral or even care I had left this world? It makes me ponder over the fact that whether I had impacted anyone or had a part in changing their life? I found out why many drunkards, drink in the first place, they are like me in a way and are suffering in silence, not daring to show their weakness. I know this cause I have tried to drink away my problems. The burn of the fluid going down your chest is one that eases the pain for a while, at lease till the high wears off and you just slip back into depression. I find this method is a quick fix but if anything sleep is the best. I can go into a semi conscious state where all problem seem gone and the world is at peace. Maybe that is why i tend to stone or daydream as it would be the closest thing to sleep. I still am wondering and pondering on the question on "what if" but am aways putting up a front when with company. I was in church yesterday and kept thinking of her, even when I was watching the movie, playing cards,playing a board game or just staying up. I could not stop thinking of the time before she left. Could I have gone about things differently, was it wrong timing or is it just me where I ain't even worth looking at? Yes in front of others I pretend to be leading a perfect life and am in control of everything, but behind closed doors I am a wreck, tearing myself to sleep and feeling lost in life. Dose anyone know? Would they care?
An unforgotten crushI still can feel the burning stings that were inflicted 5 months back, its like not being sure of your self and also whats happening around you.Ill be coming back from school seeing couples holding hands and exchanging their day's experience, with me standing there wondering what it must feel like to do so.I'm 18 have 2 rejections under my belt, never had a gf, never had a date, and has screwed up his first attempt on O'lvls. To me my life seams a lot like a train wreak one after another.You know I have decided to take the dating game like base ball, I've got strike 2, strike 3 and Ill give it up all together. Problem is I don't dare to take up the last swing, I'm afraid my heart just wont be able to take it.If I ever get into a relationship, I only get into it if I can see my future with that person and not some fling to pass the time . My goal in a relationship would be to eventually spend my adult life with that person.Its kinda funny, when you like a person you get so attached to them that even when they don't want you around them its hard to let go, and when you think of them the only thing you want for them is for them to be happy even if it's without you.I wrote this story about the last person I feelings for.(havent finished it yet)I never will forget the day I saw a dream walking. Her name was (cant revel name). Her long and wavy hair cascading down her shoulders caressing her back, with a smile beneath two twinkling eyes making anyone who received it feel very special.
While her physical beauty was astounding it was her invisible beauty I shall always remember. She really cared about people and was an extremely talented listener. Her sense of humor could brighten your entire day and her wise words were always exactly what you needed to hear. She was not only admired but also genuinely respected by members of both sexes. With everything in the world to be conceited about she was extremely humble.
Needless to say she was every guys dream especially mine. I got to walk her to the bus and even got to eat lunch with her. That day the sunset in raining streams of crimson gold.
I would think “if only I could have a girlfriend like (name), Ill’ never look at another girl again” but I figured that some one this outstanding was probably dating someone far better then myself. Even if I was the Vice chairman of the English Language Society and a member of the Prefectorial board I knew I dint stand even a ghost of a chance.
Day after day I pondered of if I should tell her my feelings and how I felt about her, but as usual I would brush these feelings away and considered them part and parcel of daily life.
It may have taken a year but I finally plucked up the courage to go and talk to her and tell her how I feel but cold feet caused me to back out.
To my horror one day I found out she was going to (country) to further her studies. I was petrified just by the thought of not being able to see her again. There was just one way I could see how I could change the invertible, to tell her what I had been keeping to myself for the pass few months.
Every time I wanted to tell her, something would always prevent me. It would always be a friend coming by or some how she would vanish only to reappear with a huge bunch of friends, which I din’t want to embarrass myself in front of.I prolonged telling her as long as I could
Long time no blog Here is why and no she aint my childShe is my neice (super cute right)
Past weeks An update on whats been going on for the pass few weeks.Ive been applying to re take my o'lvls in CHEC(city harvest education centre) then last week i went wake boarding with Daniel + Deborah Lam, Amanda + Audrey Tay and their aunt where i at least figured how to stand and turn which is still a problem when waves come oh well then i started school on wed where i have rented my self a locker and so far the people there are super nice and helpful. then i never knew this but i think i am passionate in looking after kids cause so far all that know me well enough say I'm good with kids and recently after looking after the kids at CCO i feel a longing to help out or at least help look after kids. Oh well I'm not too sure after all i will have to plan for the long run and who knows i may end up doing such.
BACK Im back from Chiang Mai(Thailand)Wow the kids there are so super cute. I miss them so much I cant beleve i was so attached to them.anyway when i have time i will upload the massive numer of pics i havetill then
Life So FarLife so far has Been busy and hetic cause of Christmas, trackers, bbq party and a lot of farewells to all leaving to either migrate or study in another country.Then theres been also a lot of work that need doing such as cleaning the house and also study in trackers so I am in a way trying to say I wont be blogging for a while due to my busy schedule or at least put blogging on hold till I can sort my self out.
Trackers InterviewI have passed the interview of trackers as today i received an email telling me that I cleared the interview. any way here it is.(Greetings & Harlows to all of you!!
Just want to let you know that you have cleared the interview for TRACKERS 200 7 . Congrats!!!
Will keep you guys posted with more information soon.
Take care!)
Oh well at least now i know that my entire of jan to march is booked.i am realy looking foward to trackers as it will be an eye opener and alow me to be closer to GodOk then um what elese ah oh ya then my care gp from church is having a bbq at my place on the 6 of jan which should be fun. oh well i better get going got lots to dobyez
ByezTrackers 2007Today or rather yesterday I went for the Trackers interview where I was asked questioned on what I would like to learn from the program and basic questions like how have I been spending my hols.oh well then I was told I dint write enough about myself in my answer sheet so IM redoing it now where I have to elaborate on what my passion is and what I feel my strengths are.ok today may not be as long as my last post but at least its something.ok gtg have to continue on my essay.
SYCOk back from SYC(Senior Youth Camp) camp was fun in a way apart from getting abrasions and sun burns.Ok the first day of camp we got in our gp and cause we dint have enough people cause they were working or school we ended up having ridiculous gp that were formed on the spot where we played out of this world ice-breaker games. Then at night we had a speaker session from a pastor named Joyce who is from river-life church. Then there was alter call where most of the SYC-ers went to be prayed for. Almost all were crying by the end of the prayer for them except me where I haven't yet cried during alter call before, so I was going around helping comfort and give out tissue(which there was surprisingly a shortage on the first night).second day we went to a football field near my house. Anyway we cut through the estate where a lot of the girls seemed afraid of dogs. Then at the field we were playing a water bomb game where we had to leopard crawl on the grass while waterbombs were hurled at us. This is where everyones elbows and knees got at least bruised if not abrasions or cuts. The worst I saw would be gouliang's cuts where it was starting to turn septic, then there was Amanda where she was real brave about her cuts on her knees, and not to forget my gp where we were real good at the cheer(entertainment value wise) which was created by none other then Regina who made us run around in circles. Back at church we had a workshop conducted by parstor Joel where we were asked to find out our strengths in our walk with god(mine was Faith and Giving). Then we had dinner and a speaker session conducted by pastor Joyce again then another round of alter call where I still dint cry but ended praying with Daniel Lam and Josh Tay. Then we had supper where we had Coney dogs.Day 3 we went to pasaris where we had a mini treasure hunt where the prize was a bunch of plastic bags(the drink kind)then we were told to fill the bags up for the next game which ment waterbombs again where we had to protect our bombs from other teams I think my group had too many water bombs cause after transporting the entire lot across the field we had blisters on our hands. Then we had this mad bombing session where at the end of it I was soaked and on top of that all of us had sun burns. Then we came back to church were my gp all squeezed in J.J. car so we could go to Katong to eat chicken rice. Gp 2 or The Rocks joined us latter cause they had to take the bus. The chicken rice was prety good. Then we went back to church where we attended 5pm service then we had worship and then speaker session(guess who was the speaker) then there was yet another alter call where this time for the first time I cried cause I was so moved by what Jesus had done for us on the cross. I mean Im not one who usually cries cause even at my grandfather's wake I dint cry so I was kinda surprised when I did.Anyway Then we all had dinner at 11pm cause we lost track of time.and though the entire camp my S.P. dint write to me or even indicated to me I had one.Ok then the camp was over but if we want we can sleep in church till this morn. So instead of sleeping we were all staying up playing cards then charaids. Some how all the guys ended up in the girls room(don't get any thoughts{nothing happen}). Then Daniel and I had a long talk(ask us if you want to find out bout what)till 4 am then I was dead tired so I went of to bed where the rest of the guys continued to be in the girls room.then today as usual I was to first one to be up where I packed my stuff and left at bout 8.45am where just before I was about to leave I saw Amanda rushing off to some where(could not hear what she was saying so kinda dint know where she was off to in such a rush.) I came home had breakfast then am now going back to bed(tired lah and got sun burn some more).
Yesterday Yesterday i went to church as usual, then i some how ended up making paper roses for the hspitial visit. Then weno out with a gp of friends consisting of Abby, Jasper(and friend),Royston(ok now i cant rember who elese but will add in latter)any way we went to suntec for lunch(abby's idear)where on the bus we were still poking fun at abby about her and how blur she can be(about the night vision contacts)then when we got there there was a long walk while abby tried to dicide what to eat even with royston complaning bout being hungry. We finaly settled for the food in the food courtthen we latter went off to play pool. then afterplaying for bout 2 hours we dicided to call it a day and went back which was arady around 5.30pm
Update on my lifeMy life so far has been quite busy even though I've finished the major exams for the year.For one I've been trying to arrange a get-together with a gp of friends, where there's aways the question of, where, when and how to get there.then I've been trying to keep in contact with my best-friend from Aus so I can find out his flight details and meet him at the airport.Then I've also been trying to think of what to write in my application letter to join a course called Trackers(its smt like Serve)Anyway it will teach me on how to evangelisise and be closer to God so it would be a good oppiunity for me.I've also had to pack my room as I had my notes all over the floor during the exams and now have the mess to clean up. then I've helped out do the SYC banner which is hanning in churchalso I've signed up for camp. On top of all this still have to go and redraw cash so I can do my Christmas shopping ok got a go and start on the endless cleaning of my room .
The nightmare is overO's are finally over what a relieve.ok Im back to blogging but have grown accustom to not blogging so I guess ill blog less oftenlife was hetic while o's I was in church 6 hours a day trying to cram in all I can into my head then along came o's where I panicked at the last minute as I relised I had not prepared enough for accounts which happens to be my worst sub. I count sleep and was tossing and turning all night. Then I relised the landing light was on and I decided to go downstairs and look for my mum, and got her to pray with me before she started to plan what to do about accounts(POA)I ended up reading 80 pages a day to cover my lack of time .my church friends were very surpotive of me especially Joshua Tay and Andrew who help me believe in my self.Thanks guys.then there was also my friends from school who were there every step of the way(kinda cause they had to take the o's as well)As I was saying today was my last paper for o's I latter went out with my classmates to play pool at 5-8 where I won 2 out of 3 games then latter I came home ate dinner, showered and currently blogging.currently Im stuck between attending a course called Trackers or go on a mission trip on the Doulos.Oh well that's a summarized version of whats been happening to me for the pass few weeks.
Ethan's BirthdayYesterday was ethan's 2nd birthday he had it at my gym at parkway and the theme was blues clues which serene and Alistair stayed up almost all night to finish making the cake.it was good .After his birthday I went with one of Serene and Alistair's cell group friend the church dinner.Bmc 60 anivasary dinnerlast night was the dinner it was fun, my table consisted of Amanda,Daphne,Deborah, Joanna,Daniel,Jasper,Joshua(goh)and myself We had a cold dish,sharks fin,roasted chicken,blackpepper prawns,mango sauce prawns,deep fired groupa,mushrooms and spinach,ee fu noodles,and white fungus soup.my table came up with the idear of "yam seng" using the bowls of the white fungus soup.all the other tables were staring and I was laughing through out it.I had a ride home latter with my friend's(from school)mother.that was what happen so far yesterday night
Sorrysorry for not blogging rcently but my com has been down and having it repaired now its 2.16 am and i cant sleep any way last sun i was at the RSAF open house and it was cool so many things there . I actually managed to fly the sim of the F15 and F16 not forgeting the intresting debref after that. I have finaly relised that o-lvl's are very near and have actually buckled down to do some serious work so this would be one of the very few entries i make during this period till after my o's. oh well at least i know i wont be the only one studding so thats a bit more comforting.
My weekMy week has been unusual due to the national day celebrations I went to sch on mon twes was half day wed had day off same for thurs dayfri was different as I had to look after my nephew for the day and brought him to some playground thingy in downtown east where they had tunnels and ball pits. Then latter when I came back had dinner with mum and pa before they went off to Malaysia to celebrate my uncle's 70th b-dayso for the past 2 days I have been left to look after the house and stuff.today I went to church and during lesson I felt that the lesson actually spoke to me and was questioning myself after that. Also I watched the movie"left behind" and was kind of stumped about rapture and all and was for a period of time frighten of it all and the day of reckoning.oh well I feel it important for me to spread the word and share the gift of go now more then ever as the signs stated in revelations are all happening.
The weekThe week so far has been rather ordanary i went to sch had lessons and came home apart from wed where i had a day off as it was polling day.tmr there will be a hospital visit but my mum wont let me go as she says i should concentrate on my studdies.oh well thats all so far ill blog again if anything new happens.
My week so farMy week was a normal one excpt i stayed in school on thurs and fri till 9pmthen today Amanda, Regina, Daniel and Josh were leading class today and were very good i have to say it realy got me thinking like if god controled everything then why would he allow evele sprits to enter us and male us do thing which are wrong and it was an eye opener on how great and almighty our god is and i just felt so ever greatfull for him and his presence with us everyday.anyway i had lunch with godma today and we went to the warren to eat dim sum ya it was rather nice excpt it was very crouded so there was alot of noise and hard to hear what everyone was saying. oh well thats what has happen to me so far i guess i better go and study hate o'lvls
MONlast Thurs I was plesently surprised with a lengthy convo with jill who i had not talked to for over a year. then on sun had lunch with a few friends from church at the HK st place near cold storage.then today i was informed ill have to be an ambasdor for tmr and havee to wear tie and everything.oh well have to rember what im ment to say tmr and stuff
LifeLife so far has been hetch and tiringTmr for example where I have to do ushering in church and have to wear smt formal so had to find clothes that I can fit in and stuff then had to meet up with a few friend today to prepare some ones b-day prezy (sorry cant say for who till we send it).then on wed the sch wants us to wear some traditional costume on wed and today Tien Ming(TM) almost gave away who I like in front of Andrew when we went to church to make the prezy.Heng he dint Karmen was at BMC helping us mke it so we finished quite quicklyoh well have to go and prep some stuff for sch on mon
The WeekMy week has been unusual and at the same time fun for one suddenly my classmates are all starting to like to play chess so I have some to play chess with, atleast it destresses us . The sch has been having chinese oral so ive been able to go home early(i dont take MT).ive got my self adicited to the creative vision advert on tv and now am trying to find the song but its a bit difficult and seams like no one has it.oh well im meeting up with some friends tmr at 10 then we intend to go to town to buy some meterials to make a b-day presenti got a go now have to help out down stairs i think its some ting to do with the clearing of the mess on the floor
My WeekI have dicided to blog only once a week now as i do have to prepare for my o-lvl'sok back to my week. Iof course like all other sec sch studentwent back to sch after the holson Mon we were getting our new time tables On Twes i had prelim oralon Wed Mrs Kow was mad with the 4D students as they dint do their hw so alot of shoutingon Thurs Mrs Kow came up with way to help us with oral by buying us 5 mp3 players to record our voice to find out our errors.On Fri we had a mad rush to english class as there was lack of seats(the weird things we do)Oh well thats all so farI guess I have to go do my english hwor Mrs Kow would be after me next.
22nd and 24thon the 22 i had another round of chechs at CGH andthen came home to prepair for mum and pa's aniversery.today i went to the national stadium to watch the preview for the national day thingy. thats all for now
ThursdayOn Thursday I went to the zoo with my mom, sister-in-law and nephew we saw of couse animals and ate at KFC for lunch the zoo was quite interesting as the zoo had changed from the last time I was there. Anyway latter we went to Warren golf club to swim and play pool we had dinner there before going to my bro's house to sleep for the nite, at pongol(my bro's house)I did almost nothing except watch TV while helping to fold the towels that were on the couch oh well tmr there's church I wonder what class would be like.byez
YesterdayYesterday I had to go to CGH once again but this time for something to help me reduce the chance of dislocating my knee again. then i went to expo to change the shorts which dint fit then came home thats prety much what happen yesterday
JL SALEToday i went to the JL sale at the expo. I bought 4 shirts and a pair of board-shorts latter to find out that even if the shorts was small i still could not wear it. Oh well at least I managed to get 4 new shirts. i thnk ill go and return the shorts tmr after i go to CGH for my check up.
GDP(Global Day of Prayer)On sun I went to church as usual then stayed in church to studyP.O.A and S.S befor going with Abby, Amanda, Colleen, Daniel, Gavin, Robbin. We went to Far East for lunch by bus where Amanda was tricked by Robbin when she was playing a game on his phone and making her self look quite funny running up and down on the bus trying to kill some thing in the game that involved the camera.Later we met up with Amos wherewe had boneless chicken rice then we had ice cream befor the girls went off to shop, somehow we ended up looking at clothes to pass time befor going to Kalang for the Global Day of prayer.when we got there the place was packed if im not wrong there was around 25000 people therewe sang songs like "Crown Him With Many Crowns"," Lord I Lift Your Name", "How Great Is Our God", "How Great Thou Art", "Amazing Grace" and "Shine Jesus Shine".The entire thing ended at 10 pm where i took the bus n.o 14 back home came home dog tired at 11 and packed for school the next day.
TodayToday I went to sch for some career guidance talk till 12 then we went to tp for more talks on engine and biz sch offered there and what the cut off points wereactually quite boring and ended up with me meeting old friends instead of actually going for talks. Oh well im tired and am going downstairs to watch Singapore idol
My WeekOn mon the entire sec 3 exp,sec 4 exp and sec 5's went to watch some movie called "8 below" to do with 8 dogs and how they surived at the pole in a blizzard. then I had to go to CGH once again this time for more X-rays to find out why my knee has been dislocating so often.then on twes I had to have usual lessonstoday we had the MT drill so an entire day of free periodsI guess I better buckle down and start hitting the books for my o'lvls
MT DrillFor the pass 2 days the o'lvl unit has been having this MT drill that takes them the entire day of nothing but MT paper after paper.As i dont take chinese(or MT) ended up with 19 other students spending our time in school slacking and doing nothing for the entire 2 days.oh well then the HOD of hue is taking us out for a movie on mon so at least there is something good out of the mid-year.
EXAMS ARE OVERYaY The Exams are finally over Had my last paper tooted which was CME(I cant fail this one)yes at least ill get a long weekend to recover from the annoying thoughts of paper after paperyesterday my class had a 3 hour break between papers and ended up with going to simpang to eat prata and ended up with them smoking once again(IM so happy I quit in sec 1)Now the church group wants to dress in formal for church on sun then at least we would all look like Brandon.oh well guess IM going to slack this weekend have to find some thing formal to wear on sun
ExamsExams are such a nightmare esp when you have not studiedfell sick on Sunday after church and ended up having a fever by Monday thank goodness for labour day.On Tuesday I had to take 2 papers(English p1/p2 and s.s) was so sick that when I came home I almost collapsed on the floor.wenesday I had no paper so I dint have to go school Thursday I had phy and maths(I hate maths)and today I had historyoh well I guess history was not that bad, at least I had time to study and kinda knew what to expect.
SundayToday went to church and latter had Ben conducting the lesson.then went for branch with Abby, Amanda, Colleen, Regina, Amos, Brandon, Daniel and Joshua.we then proceeded to Brandon's house where we watched some movie called "skyhigh"almost all had left by 3 leaving only Amanda, Regina and myself. At 3.30 I decided I better come back home. Just as I came in the gate my kneecap decided it wanted to dislocate it self again so I ended up with my leg buckling and a intense pain followed to make matters worse I fell on top of my nephew's toy car and rolled into my brothers motorbike tire.from 4 till now I've been hobbling around the housethink I may miss school tomorrow have to go see the doctor as this is the second time it came dislocated in 3 months.
SaturdayHad to go and report to school today at 7am to help out with this learning fiesta thingy my school had.I kinda ran away from duty to learn how to read Braille which is actually quite interesting.came home dog tired and ended up being out cold for 3 hours.oh well I guess at least I got smt out of going to sch that early.
ThursdayToday was there was another round of prefect sacking. I somehow managed to survive that.Then when the prefect meeting was over I realized I had missed Physics and that my recess had started. On top of that my class is putting me on the chopping block as half of them smoke and almost all bring a banned item of some sort. tomorrow we have even more to do and I found out that I have to go in at 7am on Sat for some school event and the prefects have to go in extra early.
Easter Yesterday I woke up at 5.30Am for sunrise servicethen I went for the 9.30Am service in churchthen went with Daniel, Wesley, Abby, Amanda and Colleen to eat lunch at changi villagethen we went to Daniels chalet where I stayed till 7 smtthen Daniels dad sent Coleen, Amanda and my self back to the Mrt station where I walked home was so tired that I fell asleep at 9.30pm.
MondayToday I received an email telling me thatI had won this newspaper contest I took part in.now the home work is adding up and life is getting more stressful but I guess the main bulk will come after the mid years ok got a go now have to clear some of the massive amount of work.
TGIFThank god its Friday. This week has been so weird it has been full of underage sex stories happening in sch and my crazy classmates trying to hook me up with someone once again.I mean we are taking our O-lvls this year and they are still talking bout hooking me up.I was so tired after sch today that I just flopped on the sofa and fell asleep almost instantly only to wake up to the sound of the annoying horn of my neighbor's car.Oh well tmr the church group are going to see Josh off, he would be gone for 2 months good luck to Andrew.
LIFE SUCKS Today went quite normal till assembly where Mr Loh had to talk to us (of what he said would be a short while) we all go down to the com lab and he starts talking bout the ace learning thingy and that we should use it. Then after that he tells us that we can either go home or stay for to do the program at home. As we were going out the door he yells ar us and maked us go to 4d and starts yelling at us wanting to find out what we are going to do for maths....ect. Then he made us do 40 maths questions on the computer befor we could go home.
Rain Today had POA mock test. While doing the test it started raining. Half way Jill came in to return the calculator she had borrowed. Then it stated to rain like there was no tomorrow. Latter at 3.30 I decided that I had enough waiting and braved the downpour. Came home drenched and was forced to shower as it was freezing. Who was the idiot who left the fan on in my room?
oh well at least there was enough ingredients in the store to cook my self some thing to eat.
Teachers Teachers are so annoying esp TKT
I am so pissed off with her she is so annoying how dare she pick on students and latter blame me for not correcting them, I mean who does she think she is. Oh well I guess I have to put up with her as long as IM in that sch. Yay last year Lao.
OH one more thing I kept thinking of what happen yesterday, still hurts, guess it would take more time
HeartHad my heart shattered once again today and once again feel as if my hopes are dashed.
I guess love is something ill will receive over time. I just cant get what is it Im dooing wrong. Maybe as some have told me its the wrong time to bee thinking bout these things.
oh well life goes on and what dosen't kill me will only make me stronger(even if it hurts).
heres a song ive heard which expresses all my feelings
Where Ever You Are
Come out, moon Come out, wishing star Come out, come out Wherever you are I'm out here in the dark All alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold And my heart's about to break Come and find me I need you to come here and find me'Cause without you I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so farI can only dream of you Wherever you are I'll hear you laugh I'll see you smile I'll be with you Just for a while But when the morning comes And the sun begins to rise I will lose you Because it's just a dream When I open up my eyes I will lose you I used to believe in forever But forever's too good to be true I've hung a wish on ev'ry star It hasn't done much good so far I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder if you're dreaming too Wherever you are Wherever you are
Cake Was up till 2 trying to finish baking the cake for my dads b-day and i ended up with frosting all over the place so i hat to clean up the entire kitchen.
Name:Leslie
Be closer to God♥
Age: 20
If you know me you will know this info
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Msn:Razgriz
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..::Top 3 favorite songs::..
I can only imagine(mercy me)
Blurry(puddle of mud)
High(lighthouse family)
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..::My best friend::..
Keith
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...::+My Favorite Stores+::...
OF Mice And Men
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==**Can't live with out**==
¤God
¤Family
¤Friends
¤Music
¤Love of friends and family
¤♥Passion for Jesus Christ♥
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{♫}My Wishlist{♫}
Love and care from others
Be less Emo
more friends(more friends is aways good)
Quote: We guard out hearts preciously and give it away so cautiously, Some hearts are crystal among glass and shatter ever so beautifully
Abby(Church)
Afina(TP/wake boarding)
Andrew(Church)
Bear(5B/BDS)
Charis(Church)
Denise(TP/Wake boarding)
Faridah(els/BDS)
Geri(ELS/BDS)
Grace Oh(BDS)
J.C.(Church)
Jessica(TP/wake boarding)
Jia Min(HC/DAS camp)
Josh Goh(Church)
Josh Tay(Church)
Li Zhen(BDS)
Magdalene(BDS/ALW)
Nigel(TP/wake boarding)
Rimiko(BDS/prefects)
Sher Li(ELS/BDS)
Si Qi(Church)
.......
[[My Profile]]
[[My Website]]
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways my ways" declares the Lord(Isa 55.8)
{♪♫♪}Leave me stuff{♪♫♪}
whats been going on so far
recently I went wake-boarding with sherm and li-zhen
then there was also Y.E.S.
well thats been the main 2 events recently unless you count the month
where my parents and brother's family went to U.K. for 3 and a half weeks where
I was home alone.
old blog new look
decided to change the old blog and add a few new things. I just redid the old blog so as to have a background pic of me as well as change the color of the font in the blog skin, changed the song too.
changing the codes were a real pain but I think I can now attempt to make my own blog skin from scratch.
THINKING
Thought about you a lot today (not Nicole). cant seem to get you out of my mind lately
what do I have to do to lead a normal life where I can be truly happy?
haven't felt truly happy in a long time.
Have been kicked out of tp cause i failed my exams. Its not that I want to fail or i dint study
so would appreciate it if people dint call me a failure. I am just tired of getting demoralized by the ones i call "friends". so much for standing by me through thick and thin. I don't know what friendship is anymore but wiki defines it as " a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people." haven't felt supported much lately
"why on earth did you not study" is the most common remark
or "I told you to study right!". little do they know this is so degrading to me that there is no self worth anymore.
But can i disagree with them? not really cause before i say a word they have switched to another topic.
i don't belong anywhere. not in tp, not in wake boarding, not in church and not at home.
and why on earth have i fallen so hard for someone 5 years younger then myself who wants nothing to do with me?
its best i go to army for every ones sake. then ill Be out of their hair faster cause once I'm on that plane to aus I'm not coming back.
I havent posted for a very long time and thats cause i have been rather blue lately
well here is why i am blue.
1. broke up with Nicole and still have no clue why she acted in such a manner
2. stressed out and tired from pressures that are presented in front of me from different ministries in church
3. getting ignored by someone from church who i used to like before Nicole
4. idiots who don't know how easily hurt i am go teasing be bout my break up.
5. high expectations placed on me by peers
there is many more but i wont bore you with the details.
i am really stressed out and the only one that can help me is the Lord.
a few close friends wont do any harm either.
To Nicole
Nicole if you are reading this I want you to know I'm trying my best to cling on
but it feels like its turn to a one sided relationship.
You don't answer my calls, smses, canceled four of our dates and hardly can tell when I'm real hurt.
Do you mean for it to be over?
Do you want me gone?
The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to gray
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
a poem i recently wrote
some may know the reason
I never will forget the day I saw a dream walking. Her name was (cant revel name). Her long and wavy hair cascading down her shoulders caressing her back, with a smile beneath two twinkling eyes making anyone who received it feel very special.
While her physical beauty was astounding it was her invisible beauty I shall always remember. She really cared about people and was an extremely talented listener. Her sense of humor could brighten your entire day and her wise words were always exactly what you needed to hear. She was not only admired but also genuinely respected by members of both sexes. With everything in the world to be conceited about she was extremely humble.
Needless to say she was every guys dream especially mine. I got to walk her to the bus and even got to eat lunch with her. That day the sunset in raining streams of crimson gold.
I would think “if only I could have a girlfriend like (name), Ill’ never look at another girl again” but I figured that some one this outstanding was probably dating someone far better then myself. Even if she was single I just knew I dint stand even a ghost of a chance.
Hello
have not blogged in some time. okok a long time.
lots has happened from the last time i blogged.
have had exams in sch now on 51 days break, had annoying ppl around me, went back to chec for teachers day and so on.
but am busy now so will blog again hopefully soon.
oh and if you can tell im a lot more cheerful
What on earth was I thinking
why did I not join the nameless 19 year old boys for lunch even if an ice cream lunch would have made me feel sick. Why did I join a group that has the girl I'm trying so hard to get over in it?
nvm bout that why did I latter agree to go and watch "Wanted" with them?
what was I thinking???
CRAP lah
Hi world
as some of you have seen and commented on my last post i do admit it is a bit morbid.
anyway today i went wake boarding :) had great time poking fun at Afina while waiting for my turn to go. it all started with me looking over the side of the dock and spotted fish and called her over little did i know she had an evil plan to push me into the water and get soaked all over again.
wake boarding with Nigel and Afina is fun they are really cool peeps. anyway i do hope to be able to go wake boarding with the rest of the fresh i's in wake boarding. then it would be loads of fun.
pics will be uploaded in a few days
ObituariesLeslie Gorrie, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate. He was 19 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Leslie never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a girl whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, Leslie secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. No-no. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Leslie was described as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him" . Ultimately Leslie concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.
(a friend wrote it for me.)
What can I say other then I hate my life. I don't hate the fact that I'm alive but what Ive done to make it this way.
What on earth am I talking bout you may ask.
I don't like the fact that I can see my friends slipping through my fingers and theres not a single thing I can do to stop it.
I dont like the fact that I had to study just so I don't have to think of a particular person.
I hate the fact that I have gone pass the Emo stage and now am in depression (which a friend confirmed last night)
I hate the fact that I am forced to make very drastic changes just so that I don't loose every one that I hold dear to.
I make very rash decisions nowadays for example , I have decided to opp for NDU when I enter N.S. what is that you may ask, it stands for the Navel Diving Unit. The training is similar to the U.S. navy seals. they push you to the limit and further. they are the only lot of n.s men to still receive "hell week" where you have training for 72 hours followed by 4 hours sleep and then another 72 hours training. It is a choice that I have made just so that i will aways be active and not let thought of mine drift. Its when they drift thats when i become depressed.
why do you think i am in so many activities such as wake boarding, photography, public speaking and leading a group of sec 2's on Sunday. its all done so i can be kept active and not drift off to nothingness
all I hope now is that i have made the right choice.
Church Camp
Just came back form church camp yesterday. had lots of fun there.
Day One... we left sg at 7am went by the causeway and traveled most of the way without stopping except when we stopped at a rest house for breakfast where we had A&W and KFC then we went to the hotel where we checked in and brought our bags up to the room
Latter we when to another hotel nearby just to see what it looked like.
After that we went back to the hotel and I went swimming with Amanda, Audry, Ariel(tay) and Debora Lam.
There was dinner and then we had worship before the speaker session.
after that i went to sit in the lobby as i wanted to read my book and not disturb my parents who were sleeping
Day Two
Came down for breakfast
After breakfast there was worship and then speaker session then group time
after that there was lunch then I went swimming again this time Abian joined us
then there was dinner then another speaker session then Amanda, Audry, Ariel, Darius, Daniel Yee and myself went to play pool
After all that i went to bed
Day Three
very similar to day 2
breakfast, speaker session lunch
then we played captains ball then went swimming(again)
then dinner then another speaker session
talked to Amanda for a while bout the difficulties of life
then another round of pool
then bed
fourth day
breakfast, last worship,communion, packed bags checked out had lunch and chatted with friends. before we set off
ate dinner at jalan pata(ate lemmonchicken, sambal kangkong,siao bai chai with oystersauce,chaqua with mayo and salted egg crab)
GREAT TRIP!
Church camp
Ill be away at church camp in Malaysia from wed to sat.
if you need to contact me well i wont be available but you can drop me an email or sms and ill get back to you when i can(as if you will need me)
anyway ill guess ill catch up with all of you who read when i get back
Gorrie Out
Have you ever had the feeling the world is moving past you and you are standing still?
have you ever been in that kinda spot where you want to know whats going on but at the same time not really want to be involved?
well thats me. I see my world flashing so quickly before me, it was as if I got off at a train stop and the rest of those I know continued on that train. now even though I caught the next train i still cannot catch up with them. For those who know me know what I'm talking bout but for those who don't I'm talking bout my education.
I have wasted 2 extra years, first year was wasted by doing sec 5 and second year was wasted by re doing my o's. If i compare my self to most other guys who go to J.C then i am behind them by 3 years as I am in Poly. If i compare myself to a girl who went to J.C then i am 5 years behind them cause after poly I still have army. This i guess is the cost of getting off the train when it is not your stop. Lots of my dreams and hopes were royally flushed and now I am left with tiny scraps of what I have once hoped for.
Theres must be a greater purpose for me behind all this just what is it?
Ubin
hey peeps if you were wondering how come i was not in church today was cause i was at ubin camping there with pri 4-6 kids and a gp of enthu HC ppl.
This was the ppl in my gp
as you probably can tell the one in purple T is me,the one in gray and the one next to me are the other 2 leaders.
Our camp site
Cycling to Chek Jawa.
All the leaders had very little sleep and we were all sleeping on either a ground sheet or a hard plastic board on the beach. I ended up stargazing and chatting with Karmen bout what i should do to get over this person who I have been trying to get over for more then a year.
and ofcourse our group fun would not been complete wit out Dom's rolling bhuda thunder(inside joke)
even the kids were quite funny when it came to me talking to any girl with them jumping to conclusions that i am attached to them......
the kids sort of bring out the inner child i think and makes the world less complicatedly
but of course reality hits you once you are on the boat ride home and remember all the worries and troubles that await you when you arrive home( I'm talking bout my maths exam that I have tomorrow)
Oh well thats part and parcel of life i guess
Now all I need to do is try and remember a few formulas.
WakeboardingThe boat(it aint me in the water)
Must try to get back in the V shape
Change of ppl
after second service Yam peeps went to PP for lunch where we could not decide where to go to eat.
I dont blame Gavin for getting pissed cause at first we said lets eat at fish and co then they found out that the air con was broken co we went to the food court where it was too crowded. so we went to swensons to eat but then there one dint want to wait for the que. so we back tracked to HK cafe to eat. poor gavin who had to walk around to cool off cause he hated the fact that the group could not decide. after lunch i went to borders with Wes, Amanda and ivy's friend then i came home and used the com a bit and crashed for bout 3 hours cause my legs were killing me cause i think i strained my muscle so my whole body was aching.
cant wait till next mon cause i start dry training for wake boarding and then ill be part of TP wake board team.
I love wakeboarding
Today i went wakeboarding at 3pm at kalang with TP for a intro course.
It was super fun cause i was able to stand on my first attempt and was able to follow the boat when it was turning.
as well as move out of the V shape wave made by the boat. compared to the rest that went for the intro course i looked like a pro cause i was able to weave in and out of waves and able to stand for the longest period with out falling. I should try to learn how to jump next time.
when coming back to the dock i was quite excited cause the boat would pull you till you are close to the dock and then you let go of the rope. i love the thrill of the timing all being up to you,if you let go too early and have to swim back or too late and crash in to the dock or worst still over shoot and have a long distance to swim or release the rope at the right timing and glide in. The main thrill of it would be when you know you are in control of everything and what you do alone can change the outcome.
Ill upload the shots next time
I came home smelling like a fish tank and quickly had a shower and changed to meet jc and we went to church to watch transformers showed by yam. latter went to simpang as she wanted to have some longang drink
Forget the title
Its high time i gave up on putting a title for every post.
haha today was a bit weird. i went to church as usual and then had to go and teach my class, they ain't exactly a walk in the park if you know what I mean. Firstly there is Linus who insist on sitting on the chair while the rest of us sit on the floor. then there is Shaun who likes making a lot of noise and flings stuff around class(anything from paper to Christmas deco), he does not have a long attention span so i don't blame him. then there is Michael who likes to hide under a cloth and calls himself Mother Teresa or like today made it into a bomb shelter. There are a few others with weird habits such as being crazy bout"ang mors " and one who skips class to sit by himself in the fellowship deck till we dismiss class. Strangely enough I find them quite an entertaining bunch who aways has energy. Well I guess they have their own perspective on how lessons should be taught. After class i went down to the fellowship deck and started pondering on my life and what can I actually say i have achieved from it. I could not come up with anything of substance. It was either too small a feat or not completed. Aunt Dot came to talk to me to see if I had a plan and goal in life after poly which makes me realize that I payed far too much attention to present then the future. I don't mean I am going to drop living for today and plan for the next 60 years but more of that i should be looking at what is in front of me and not at my feet. After all ain't I meant to be focusing on Jesus and not the water I walk on? I was once asked who am I willing to die for. My answer was simple. If in the before, during or after my death someone comes to know the Lord then my death was worth the while.
Time for update
as some of you know I am currently in TP.
what most don't know is what has happened to me after that.
Well heres a bit of extra info. I am in TP mechatronics (it has nothing to do with transformers)
It is a course which comprises of mechanical engineering and electrical engineering.
I have joined 4 CCA's in the process of being in tp. these would be Toast masters(not bread kinda toast)it has to do with public speaking, visual central(aka photography) SME(mechatronics study club) and wake boarding.
So far i have been through 2 weeks of poly life and it is quite entertaining with little weird quirks of my classmates. I have to admit TP modern dance(hip hop) is quite cool(its only cool cause they used a Christian song as their background music).
so far ive adjusted quite well within my class and so far am taking a different approach to my class mates as compared to secondary school.
oh well thats kinda it for the past 2 weeks and I think I shall update a bit more during these 3 years.
Lunch on Sun
lunch on Sunday is something I look forward to every week
usually end up with the Yam ppl but once in a while it is some other group.
like easter Sunday was with the J1 group at macs where we kept making fun of Ryan and Tabitha.
then on 30 April (last Sunday) went with the yam group which had Joleen, Selene, Shu ling, Daniel, Ivan, Han ling, some guy (sry cant remember name) and myself . Was quite fun going there cause we were sitting in Joleen's car and she was freaking out when it came to parallel parking. she actually is a very good driver just lacks the self confidence and it dint help when we all were going about saying that we all must wear seat belts and cling on for dear life. we all got to simpang safely and we were enjoying the different comments that were flying across the table like how when Joleen drives all we can see are two hands at the wheel quite mean of us but as Gavin was not there we could not really say much bout him apart from that he would need stilts in order to step on the peddles(the car is a Toyota picnic by the way) felt kinda fed up that i was the only one at the table that does not have a license, but am going for basic theory test soon so at least I would hopefully be able to drive soon(cant wait to be able to drive) have been considering going to Perth to visit a friend of mine who has been bugging me to go over from the time I was in sec 2. maybe after i get my driving license then at least i can rent a car so i wont be a burden on his family.
maybe ill go and find part time work over there(farm work) they say that fruit picking brings in bout 3k per month but problem is that it is super hard work and your fingers are sore after that. it would help my guitar playing....
oh well got a go
see you around peeps
Hmmm
I just realized that i should blog more now that I'm free but the problem is that when I'm free there is nothing to blog about.
ok ok so now what?
well theres talking bout what i did in the day which makes this blog sound so cliché but yet again why not.
some days I have to wake up at 6 am make milk for my nephew,
get up feed the cat let the cat out of the back door wake my nephew up,
go and get his breakfast ready, entertain him till noon when someone is able to take over.
when I'm done with that i have to go and search for a job(I know no one hires for less then a month but it gets my mum off my tail)
after that I would go and bring my nephew to the playground as a reward for finishing his lunch
after that I would come home shower and once a month Ill check my accounts so I can plan for the future(I have started saving for down payment for the mortgage of a house)
so that is kinda what I do.
Ultra laggy post
The long awaited post.........
ok ok maybe not that long awaited
but anyway
I got the olymups U770
What is that? it is the camera which can go underwater.
IT goes to depths of 10 meters, shock proof from 1.5 meters, freez proof to -10 degrees c and crush proof by 100kg(no you may not drop it!)
I got it for $499 after discount from $712
Second part of news
I have been accepted into TP doing mechatronics (let me guess you are going to ask what is that, and no it does not have anything to do with transformers.)
It is a combination of mechanical engine and electronics. after that i will be allowed to choose what I want to specialize in where ill most likely opp for aerospace engineering.
Third part of news
I have been asked to be the official photographer for my niece's birthday
so i can now test out my camera and all the different functions. whooo
oh well all said and done I still have to go for some medical checkup for poly where they want to test my hemoglobin level and x-ray, and have no clue why they want it.
wondering if i should go for a haircut. I have to admit it is a bit messy and long and the back is long enough to tie up which annoys my mum like anything.
Maybe ill cut it just before poly starts. : )
Ya right...
now whats wrong with this picture?
Ill tell you whats wrong
Its a test I found on a friend's blog
and the results are super phooey
for one she only got 7 out of 10 guys liking her
and she is one of the sweetest, nicest, and most carrying person I have ever met.
she would go all out to help you and would aways be the best person for advice.
As for me I am nowhere near that sort of standard although I hope to be some day
She is one of those girls who most if not all guys dream to date and are super lucky if the do
they should count their blessings to be able to go out with her.
I am blessed to be her friend.
truly she is a special and and wonderful friend and god sis
CNY
cny tmr but i aint looking forward much to it
all the tradition and protocols and which person has to be called by which title.
such hassle in a way, i dont actually mind the visiting part but when it comes to who to visit first and because of age and rank and huge squabbles between certain extended family members it usually means we have to visit without letting the other party knowing.
all the traditions about having new clothes and must have red and not a single bit of black is a bit annoying actually why cant we break customs and actually enjoy ourselves during this new year after all it should be about getting together and updating each other about our going ons in our life.
Anyway I feel its time to change the subject.
I want to buy the olympus u 790(the underwater camera)
been saving up but am still falling short.
oh well guess i need to save up more and most likely use some of the cny angpow money
valentine's day is also coming
I still see not a big deal with it(most likely cause I'm single)
all I see is cupid going trigger happy(pictures cupid with a giant machine gun and heart tipped bullets).
but seriously valentine's day is a time where most guys go broke and and girls grumble of growing fat.
oh well I guess one day Ill understand what all the fuss about V-day is about. until then Ill just don on some cupid Kevlar
Its over
I think I can actually say its over.
I have finally gotten over her.
Today I saw her sitting in the second row and actually felt nothing. It felt like as if I dint even know her and had no feelings towards her what so ever. I can still feel like theres something clinging on but I guess that feeling would aways be there.
oh well anyway I'm going to Chiang Mai on the 11th of dec, cant wait.
Love this song Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA This song is super meaningful to me
its actually a bit contradictory if you listen to it carefully.
one minute the guy is saying he misses the person but the chorus he says he doesn't miss hem at all. guess thats a bit like how I feel.
I still miss her but am telling myself that I cant
Missing You /Tyler Hilton
Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I wonder why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time just thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
But it's my heart that's vacant
Down this long distance line tonight
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what I might say
There's a message in the wires
And I'm sending you a signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
But it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long dusty road of mine
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
If I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartache overload
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you
No matter what your friends say
Hey, yeah... yeah
Yeah, yeah
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... away
I ain't missing you, no...
HA
Just when I thought I was getting over her I had another flare up of emotions
fighting like anything to get over her but it is kinda pointless cause the more i fight the more painful it is
I guess I have to let her go completely before i can actually move on
was told today that I should focus more on myself then her well being and that she would be able to fend for herself.
Even when tonight Trackers BBQ I was thinking of her and how home sick she is
wishing I could be the one away instead of her but yet again it would be another difficult suation
I would use this time to applogise to her cause I wont be there for her as quickly as I used to be
I now have to go my own way and do whats best for me
Gotta go my own way
[Gabriella]
I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..
[Chorus]
I've go to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..
[Chorus
[Troy]
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?
[Gabriella]
What about trust?
[Troy]
You know I never wanted to hurt you
[Gabriella]
and what about me?
[Troy]
What am I supposed to do?
[Gabriella]
I gotta leave but I'll miss you
[Gabriella]
So
I've got to move on and be who I am
[Troy]
Why do you have to go?
Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
[Troy]
I'm trying to understand
[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
[Troy]
I want you to stay
[Gabriella]
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am
[Troy]
What about us?
[Gabriella]
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
[Troy]
I'm trying to understand
[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
SatSat was quite fun. cycled to ECP for the sports day thingy where Daniel and I were meant to cycle but some how ended up not. anyway then i got grabbed into playing soccer which i cant stand playing so i managed to sneak out by playing captains ball instead. reminded me a lot of the days when i was in trackers and it was a daily thing to play captains ball.Brings back good memories all but the girls screaming in my ear hoping i would drop the balloh well guess i have to wait a few more months then i can play captains ball again.
SongsBeen listening to this song by High School Musical(When There Was Me And You )makes me reflect on my situation but also makes me feel like I have to be strong enough to pull my self out of this mess.When There Was Me And You(high school musical)It's funny when you find yourself Looking from the outsideI'm standing here but all I wantIs to be over thereWhy did I let myself believe Miracles could happenCause now I have to pretendThat I don't really careI thought you were my fairytaleA dream when I'm not sleepingA wish upon a starThat's coming trueBut everybody else could tellThat I confused my feelings with the truthThat there was me and youI swore I knew the melodyThat I heard you singingAnd when you smiledYou made me feelLike I could sing alongBut then you went and changed the wordsNow my heart is emptyI'm only left with used-to-be'sOnce upon a songNow I know your not a fairytaleAnd dreams were meant for sleepingAnd wishes on a starJust don't come trueCause now even I tellThat I confused my feelings with the truthCause I liked the viewThat there was me and youI can't believe thatI could be so blindIt's like you were floatingWhile I was fallingAnd I didn't mindCause I liked the viewThought you felt it tooWhen there was me and you
Getting worstlife for me has been getting worst, I find myself drifting off to nothingnessI am often stoning and not really thinking of anything.It got much worst tonight when they showed high school musical.there are those few who know why it made me emo but for the rest just aske me when you want. dont feel like talking much more am just going to curl up amd sleep it off.
LoveLove for me ain't been going too well. I mean there is live in my family and of course i live the company of friends but there's this missing factor in my life. OK OK I admit I'm beating around the bush once again. The factor is the girl Ive been talking about in my past few post.Time and time again I find I'm telling myself not to think of her but the thought seems to have fasten it self in my mind the more I try to remove it. The only solution would be to engulf myself in a huge pile of work, this would also include my most dreaded subject POA(I hate it) and am doing surprisingly well for it. (still hate it)I cannot even remember the number of times i have told my self this saying,"If you really love her, you will learn to let her go." but till now I still have not learned. Man I'm slow.Been a bit Unmyself lately but yet again Ive never been truly my self from the age of 10 so am still trying to figure that out.Guess like what they what they say "life is hard all around".
Emo (part 2) OK I'm still a bit emo now, but at least I know her flight landed safelyI was tracking the flight with this system which the Perth Airport website providesand I could see where the flight was and stuff.I was cross checking with Changi airport website and seeing how early the flight was compared to the ETA they had given.Feeling a bit better that her feet are on the ground and she is a bit safer. now I need to worry about myself and what on earth I'm going to do for my speech tmr which i have to present in front of the whole class. How I wish I was 5 once again where i was carefree and the worries of the world dint have any effect on me.
"EMO" For those that know me well, you probably know why Ive been "emo" for the past few weeksToday was no different, if anything today was worst of allCan you imagine the girl of your dreams is sitting right in front of you and you cant do anything about it. You can try and ignore the fact and carry on eating lunch but yet again there is this longing to be able to say something that does not make you sound like a total idiot.Small talk as it is called is extremely hard to do when your words become slurred and you are trying your best to sound as if nothing is bothering you.It does not help when you know that girls can pick up on these little things which guys just brush off.I went latter from Changi airport to Tampines on bus 34 excuse I gave was that I had to buy someone a present but in actual fact was that i wanted a tiny bit more time with herTo know that she would be flying off 4 hours later was a heart breaker, I just knew I would not be able to take the fact of her flying off. Its like I would be worst off.So at Tampines I got off at the stadium and walked with her to the traffic lights before we split directions. I latter walked to the bus interchange and took bus 10 home.Came home i quickly went to my room and tried to nap so it would waste the time awayI woke up at the oddest time. I woke up at 7.15 pm and later on found out that she left at 7.16pm due to some flight delayWhat on earth had I woken up at that time forWas I meant to say good bye?You know the only thing that kept my mind off this would be my recklessness of mine last night while exploring the old changi hospital and how actually even though i wanted to see "something" there was nothing to be seen excpt an old buildingthe grave yard was windy even though the trees dint move and the nurses quarters had a strong smell of medicine and felt like the air con was on but all windows were smashed and doors were missing.Oh wait I did see the guard's dog which many have been chased by but actually neither dog or guard exist. I saw the dog on the second story while i was on the third. Ran down to find it but somehow it was not there.Was searching high and low for the guard but also could not find himat least i manged to use that to distract me most of today when ever i thought of her.Wonder what ill have to think of tomorow?
Email Ok I do admit my past 3 post have been rather emo(some say "rather" is an understatement)Anyway, It was about this girl i had a huge crush on("huge" is an understatement)Ok back to point. I being the dumb one as usual sent her an email after I got rejected, became friends again(she made me promise her if I wanted to be her friend, I could not like her)and on top of that, to the point of it not ever happeningbut silly and dumb me had to send an email to her.Here it is.
Dear ******,
I don't know how to put this but I feel we cant be friends. In all my life I have not broken a promise I have made to anyone, but i feel I'm about to. You made me promise that I cannot like you if I want to be friends with you. I feel I cant and am truly sorry that I have failed you and don't want to go back on my word especially to you. That is why this will be the last time you hear from me, at least till I can regain control over my emotions. Maybe God planed things this way, where all you were placed in my life for was to draw me closer to Him.I don't know but all i can say is that I hope that you will have a bright future ahead and a smooth sailing life. Knowing that you are happy will keep me going and focus. I never thought Ill be saying this but this maybe my final goodbye, but I leave you with something I wrote
The thing that I must findThat I must seekIs more then a hugOr a kiss on the cheek
It may take a long timeMaybe a yearDays will go byBut I must not fear
For one day soonIll look back in the pastAnd remember the dayI found true love at last.
Today Today was one of the most trying days I've had thus by far.The kids were alright to look after although I was more worried that they get injured or lost then they were.Came back to church and was super lethargic about doing anything and just wanted to sit down and stone. Got up to talk to Andrew for a while and when I was returning to the table, who should I see standing there but *******. My body went stiff, adrilin rushed trough my veins and my lips went pale. I did a 180 and got out of there as soon as possible, tears welded up in my eyes as feelings and emotions came flooding back, as if some one had kept them behind a dam and now had open the doors fully. I walked calmly back to the table although I felt I left my insides behind. Why did I bother staying in church for the service to end when I could not attend it anyway?Would it have been better if I dint see her?If these feelings I have are not from God, why does He not take them away.Is it my falt things turned out this way?Where did I go wrong?
Sorry sorry about my previous 2 post i know some got quite freaked abt it and theres a reason for the post and will blog abt it soon anyway i promise you i wont do anything rash if thats what you are thinking.
In continuation of my last post Ever seen a car passing and having an urge to jump in its path, been to the top of a building and have the feeling of jumping? Ending your life with one quick slash across the wrist would make it so fast and remove this inner pain I feel. The thing that stops me from doing so would be the fact that if I do such it would mean Ill go to hell where the situation there would be far worst then now. But I wonder sometimes, if i did die how would i be remembered? Would anyone come to my funeral or even care I had left this world? It makes me ponder over the fact that whether I had impacted anyone or had a part in changing their life? I found out why many drunkards, drink in the first place, they are like me in a way and are suffering in silence, not daring to show their weakness. I know this cause I have tried to drink away my problems. The burn of the fluid going down your chest is one that eases the pain for a while, at lease till the high wears off and you just slip back into depression. I find this method is a quick fix but if anything sleep is the best. I can go into a semi conscious state where all problem seem gone and the world is at peace. Maybe that is why i tend to stone or daydream as it would be the closest thing to sleep. I still am wondering and pondering on the question on "what if" but am aways putting up a front when with company. I was in church yesterday and kept thinking of her, even when I was watching the movie, playing cards,playing a board game or just staying up. I could not stop thinking of the time before she left. Could I have gone about things differently, was it wrong timing or is it just me where I ain't even worth looking at? Yes in front of others I pretend to be leading a perfect life and am in control of everything, but behind closed doors I am a wreck, tearing myself to sleep and feeling lost in life. Dose anyone know? Would they care?
An unforgotten crushI still can feel the burning stings that were inflicted 5 months back, its like not being sure of your self and also whats happening around you.Ill be coming back from school seeing couples holding hands and exchanging their day's experience, with me standing there wondering what it must feel like to do so.I'm 18 have 2 rejections under my belt, never had a gf, never had a date, and has screwed up his first attempt on O'lvls. To me my life seams a lot like a train wreak one after another.You know I have decided to take the dating game like base ball, I've got strike 2, strike 3 and Ill give it up all together. Problem is I don't dare to take up the last swing, I'm afraid my heart just wont be able to take it.If I ever get into a relationship, I only get into it if I can see my future with that person and not some fling to pass the time . My goal in a relationship would be to eventually spend my adult life with that person.Its kinda funny, when you like a person you get so attached to them that even when they don't want you around them its hard to let go, and when you think of them the only thing you want for them is for them to be happy even if it's without you.I wrote this story about the last person I feelings for.(havent finished it yet)I never will forget the day I saw a dream walking. Her name was (cant revel name). Her long and wavy hair cascading down her shoulders caressing her back, with a smile beneath two twinkling eyes making anyone who received it feel very special.
While her physical beauty was astounding it was her invisible beauty I shall always remember. She really cared about people and was an extremely talented listener. Her sense of humor could brighten your entire day and her wise words were always exactly what you needed to hear. She was not only admired but also genuinely respected by members of both sexes. With everything in the world to be conceited about she was extremely humble.
Needless to say she was every guys dream especially mine. I got to walk her to the bus and even got to eat lunch with her. That day the sunset in raining streams of crimson gold.
I would think “if only I could have a girlfriend like (name), Ill’ never look at another girl again” but I figured that some one this outstanding was probably dating someone far better then myself. Even if I was the Vice chairman of the English Language Society and a member of the Prefectorial board I knew I dint stand even a ghost of a chance.
Day after day I pondered of if I should tell her my feelings and how I felt about her, but as usual I would brush these feelings away and considered them part and parcel of daily life.
It may have taken a year but I finally plucked up the courage to go and talk to her and tell her how I feel but cold feet caused me to back out.
To my horror one day I found out she was going to (country) to further her studies. I was petrified just by the thought of not being able to see her again. There was just one way I could see how I could change the invertible, to tell her what I had been keeping to myself for the pass few months.
Every time I wanted to tell her, something would always prevent me. It would always be a friend coming by or some how she would vanish only to reappear with a huge bunch of friends, which I din’t want to embarrass myself in front of.I prolonged telling her as long as I could
Long time no blog Here is why and no she aint my childShe is my neice (super cute right)
Past weeks An update on whats been going on for the pass few weeks.Ive been applying to re take my o'lvls in CHEC(city harvest education centre) then last week i went wake boarding with Daniel + Deborah Lam, Amanda + Audrey Tay and their aunt where i at least figured how to stand and turn which is still a problem when waves come oh well then i started school on wed where i have rented my self a locker and so far the people there are super nice and helpful. then i never knew this but i think i am passionate in looking after kids cause so far all that know me well enough say I'm good with kids and recently after looking after the kids at CCO i feel a longing to help out or at least help look after kids. Oh well I'm not too sure after all i will have to plan for the long run and who knows i may end up doing such.
BACK Im back from Chiang Mai(Thailand)Wow the kids there are so super cute. I miss them so much I cant beleve i was so attached to them.anyway when i have time i will upload the massive numer of pics i havetill then
Life So FarLife so far has Been busy and hetic cause of Christmas, trackers, bbq party and a lot of farewells to all leaving to either migrate or study in another country.Then theres been also a lot of work that need doing such as cleaning the house and also study in trackers so I am in a way trying to say I wont be blogging for a while due to my busy schedule or at least put blogging on hold till I can sort my self out.
Trackers InterviewI have passed the interview of trackers as today i received an email telling me that I cleared the interview. any way here it is.(Greetings & Harlows to all of you!!
Just want to let you know that you have cleared the interview for TRACKERS 200 7 . Congrats!!!
Will keep you guys posted with more information soon.
Take care!)
Oh well at least now i know that my entire of jan to march is booked.i am realy looking foward to trackers as it will be an eye opener and alow me to be closer to GodOk then um what elese ah oh ya then my care gp from church is having a bbq at my place on the 6 of jan which should be fun. oh well i better get going got lots to dobyez
ByezTrackers 2007Today or rather yesterday I went for the Trackers interview where I was asked questioned on what I would like to learn from the program and basic questions like how have I been spending my hols.oh well then I was told I dint write enough about myself in my answer sheet so IM redoing it now where I have to elaborate on what my passion is and what I feel my strengths are.ok today may not be as long as my last post but at least its something.ok gtg have to continue on my essay.
SYCOk back from SYC(Senior Youth Camp) camp was fun in a way apart from getting abrasions and sun burns.Ok the first day of camp we got in our gp and cause we dint have enough people cause they were working or school we ended up having ridiculous gp that were formed on the spot where we played out of this world ice-breaker games. Then at night we had a speaker session from a pastor named Joyce who is from river-life church. Then there was alter call where most of the SYC-ers went to be prayed for. Almost all were crying by the end of the prayer for them except me where I haven't yet cried during alter call before, so I was going around helping comfort and give out tissue(which there was surprisingly a shortage on the first night).second day we went to a football field near my house. Anyway we cut through the estate where a lot of the girls seemed afraid of dogs. Then at the field we were playing a water bomb game where we had to leopard crawl on the grass while waterbombs were hurled at us. This is where everyones elbows and knees got at least bruised if not abrasions or cuts. The worst I saw would be gouliang's cuts where it was starting to turn septic, then there was Amanda where she was real brave about her cuts on her knees, and not to forget my gp where we were real good at the cheer(entertainment value wise) which was created by none other then Regina who made us run around in circles. Back at church we had a workshop conducted by parstor Joel where we were asked to find out our strengths in our walk with god(mine was Faith and Giving). Then we had dinner and a speaker session conducted by pastor Joyce again then another round of alter call where I still dint cry but ended praying with Daniel Lam and Josh Tay. Then we had supper where we had Coney dogs.Day 3 we went to pasaris where we had a mini treasure hunt where the prize was a bunch of plastic bags(the drink kind)then we were told to fill the bags up for the next game which ment waterbombs again where we had to protect our bombs from other teams I think my group had too many water bombs cause after transporting the entire lot across the field we had blisters on our hands. Then we had this mad bombing session where at the end of it I was soaked and on top of that all of us had sun burns. Then we came back to church were my gp all squeezed in J.J. car so we could go to Katong to eat chicken rice. Gp 2 or The Rocks joined us latter cause they had to take the bus. The chicken rice was prety good. Then we went back to church where we attended 5pm service then we had worship and then speaker session(guess who was the speaker) then there was yet another alter call where this time for the first time I cried cause I was so moved by what Jesus had done for us on the cross. I mean Im not one who usually cries cause even at my grandfather's wake I dint cry so I was kinda surprised when I did.Anyway Then we all had dinner at 11pm cause we lost track of time.and though the entire camp my S.P. dint write to me or even indicated to me I had one.Ok then the camp was over but if we want we can sleep in church till this morn. So instead of sleeping we were all staying up playing cards then charaids. Some how all the guys ended up in the girls room(don't get any thoughts{nothing happen}). Then Daniel and I had a long talk(ask us if you want to find out bout what)till 4 am then I was dead tired so I went of to bed where the rest of the guys continued to be in the girls room.then today as usual I was to first one to be up where I packed my stuff and left at bout 8.45am where just before I was about to leave I saw Amanda rushing off to some where(could not hear what she was saying so kinda dint know where she was off to in such a rush.) I came home had breakfast then am now going back to bed(tired lah and got sun burn some more).
Yesterday Yesterday i went to church as usual, then i some how ended up making paper roses for the hspitial visit. Then weno out with a gp of friends consisting of Abby, Jasper(and friend),Royston(ok now i cant rember who elese but will add in latter)any way we went to suntec for lunch(abby's idear)where on the bus we were still poking fun at abby about her and how blur she can be(about the night vision contacts)then when we got there there was a long walk while abby tried to dicide what to eat even with royston complaning bout being hungry. We finaly settled for the food in the food courtthen we latter went off to play pool. then afterplaying for bout 2 hours we dicided to call it a day and went back which was arady around 5.30pm
Update on my lifeMy life so far has been quite busy even though I've finished the major exams for the year.For one I've been trying to arrange a get-together with a gp of friends, where there's aways the question of, where, when and how to get there.then I've been trying to keep in contact with my best-friend from Aus so I can find out his flight details and meet him at the airport.Then I've also been trying to think of what to write in my application letter to join a course called Trackers(its smt like Serve)Anyway it will teach me on how to evangelisise and be closer to God so it would be a good oppiunity for me.I've also had to pack my room as I had my notes all over the floor during the exams and now have the mess to clean up. then I've helped out do the SYC banner which is hanning in churchalso I've signed up for camp. On top of all this still have to go and redraw cash so I can do my Christmas shopping ok got a go and start on the endless cleaning of my room .
The nightmare is overO's are finally over what a relieve.ok Im back to blogging but have grown accustom to not blogging so I guess ill blog less oftenlife was hetic while o's I was in church 6 hours a day trying to cram in all I can into my head then along came o's where I panicked at the last minute as I relised I had not prepared enough for accounts which happens to be my worst sub. I count sleep and was tossing and turning all night. Then I relised the landing light was on and I decided to go downstairs and look for my mum, and got her to pray with me before she started to plan what to do about accounts(POA)I ended up reading 80 pages a day to cover my lack of time .my church friends were very surpotive of me especially Joshua Tay and Andrew who help me believe in my self.Thanks guys.then there was also my friends from school who were there every step of the way(kinda cause they had to take the o's as well)As I was saying today was my last paper for o's I latter went out with my classmates to play pool at 5-8 where I won 2 out of 3 games then latter I came home ate dinner, showered and currently blogging.currently Im stuck between attending a course called Trackers or go on a mission trip on the Doulos.Oh well that's a summarized version of whats been happening to me for the pass few weeks.
Ethan's BirthdayYesterday was ethan's 2nd birthday he had it at my gym at parkway and the theme was blues clues which serene and Alistair stayed up almost all night to finish making the cake.it was good .After his birthday I went with one of Serene and Alistair's cell group friend the church dinner.Bmc 60 anivasary dinnerlast night was the dinner it was fun, my table consisted of Amanda,Daphne,Deborah, Joanna,Daniel,Jasper,Joshua(goh)and myself We had a cold dish,sharks fin,roasted chicken,blackpepper prawns,mango sauce prawns,deep fired groupa,mushrooms and spinach,ee fu noodles,and white fungus soup.my table came up with the idear of "yam seng" using the bowls of the white fungus soup.all the other tables were staring and I was laughing through out it.I had a ride home latter with my friend's(from school)mother.that was what happen so far yesterday night
Sorrysorry for not blogging rcently but my com has been down and having it repaired now its 2.16 am and i cant sleep any way last sun i was at the RSAF open house and it was cool so many things there . I actually managed to fly the sim of the F15 and F16 not forgeting the intresting debref after that. I have finaly relised that o-lvl's are very near and have actually buckled down to do some serious work so this would be one of the very few entries i make during this period till after my o's. oh well at least i know i wont be the only one studding so thats a bit more comforting.
My weekMy week has been unusual due to the national day celebrations I went to sch on mon twes was half day wed had day off same for thurs dayfri was different as I had to look after my nephew for the day and brought him to some playground thingy in downtown east where they had tunnels and ball pits. Then latter when I came back had dinner with mum and pa before they went off to Malaysia to celebrate my uncle's 70th b-dayso for the past 2 days I have been left to look after the house and stuff.today I went to church and during lesson I felt that the lesson actually spoke to me and was questioning myself after that. Also I watched the movie"left behind" and was kind of stumped about rapture and all and was for a period of time frighten of it all and the day of reckoning.oh well I feel it important for me to spread the word and share the gift of go now more then ever as the signs stated in revelations are all happening.
The weekThe week so far has been rather ordanary i went to sch had lessons and came home apart from wed where i had a day off as it was polling day.tmr there will be a hospital visit but my mum wont let me go as she says i should concentrate on my studdies.oh well thats all so far ill blog again if anything new happens.
My week so farMy week was a normal one excpt i stayed in school on thurs and fri till 9pmthen today Amanda, Regina, Daniel and Josh were leading class today and were very good i have to say it realy got me thinking like if god controled everything then why would he allow evele sprits to enter us and male us do thing which are wrong and it was an eye opener on how great and almighty our god is and i just felt so ever greatfull for him and his presence with us everyday.anyway i had lunch with godma today and we went to the warren to eat dim sum ya it was rather nice excpt it was very crouded so there was alot of noise and hard to hear what everyone was saying. oh well thats what has happen to me so far i guess i better go and study hate o'lvls
MONlast Thurs I was plesently surprised with a lengthy convo with jill who i had not talked to for over a year. then on sun had lunch with a few friends from church at the HK st place near cold storage.then today i was informed ill have to be an ambasdor for tmr and havee to wear tie and everything.oh well have to rember what im ment to say tmr and stuff
LifeLife so far has been hetch and tiringTmr for example where I have to do ushering in church and have to wear smt formal so had to find clothes that I can fit in and stuff then had to meet up with a few friend today to prepare some ones b-day prezy (sorry cant say for who till we send it).then on wed the sch wants us to wear some traditional costume on wed and today Tien Ming(TM) almost gave away who I like in front of Andrew when we went to church to make the prezy.Heng he dint Karmen was at BMC helping us mke it so we finished quite quicklyoh well have to go and prep some stuff for sch on mon
The WeekMy week has been unusual and at the same time fun for one suddenly my classmates are all starting to like to play chess so I have some to play chess with, atleast it destresses us . The sch has been having chinese oral so ive been able to go home early(i dont take MT).ive got my self adicited to the creative vision advert on tv and now am trying to find the song but its a bit difficult and seams like no one has it.oh well im meeting up with some friends tmr at 10 then we intend to go to town to buy some meterials to make a b-day presenti got a go now have to help out down stairs i think its some ting to do with the clearing of the mess on the floor
My WeekI have dicided to blog only once a week now as i do have to prepare for my o-lvl'sok back to my week. Iof course like all other sec sch studentwent back to sch after the holson Mon we were getting our new time tables On Twes i had prelim oralon Wed Mrs Kow was mad with the 4D students as they dint do their hw so alot of shoutingon Thurs Mrs Kow came up with way to help us with oral by buying us 5 mp3 players to record our voice to find out our errors.On Fri we had a mad rush to english class as there was lack of seats(the weird things we do)Oh well thats all so farI guess I have to go do my english hwor Mrs Kow would be after me next.
22nd and 24thon the 22 i had another round of chechs at CGH andthen came home to prepair for mum and pa's aniversery.today i went to the national stadium to watch the preview for the national day thingy. thats all for now
ThursdayOn Thursday I went to the zoo with my mom, sister-in-law and nephew we saw of couse animals and ate at KFC for lunch the zoo was quite interesting as the zoo had changed from the last time I was there. Anyway latter we went to Warren golf club to swim and play pool we had dinner there before going to my bro's house to sleep for the nite, at pongol(my bro's house)I did almost nothing except watch TV while helping to fold the towels that were on the couch oh well tmr there's church I wonder what class would be like.byez
YesterdayYesterday I had to go to CGH once again but this time for something to help me reduce the chance of dislocating my knee again. then i went to expo to change the shorts which dint fit then came home thats prety much what happen yesterday
JL SALEToday i went to the JL sale at the expo. I bought 4 shirts and a pair of board-shorts latter to find out that even if the shorts was small i still could not wear it. Oh well at least I managed to get 4 new shirts. i thnk ill go and return the shorts tmr after i go to CGH for my check up.
GDP(Global Day of Prayer)On sun I went to church as usual then stayed in church to studyP.O.A and S.S befor going with Abby, Amanda, Colleen, Daniel, Gavin, Robbin. We went to Far East for lunch by bus where Amanda was tricked by Robbin when she was playing a game on his phone and making her self look quite funny running up and down on the bus trying to kill some thing in the game that involved the camera.Later we met up with Amos wherewe had boneless chicken rice then we had ice cream befor the girls went off to shop, somehow we ended up looking at clothes to pass time befor going to Kalang for the Global Day of prayer.when we got there the place was packed if im not wrong there was around 25000 people therewe sang songs like "Crown Him With Many Crowns"," Lord I Lift Your Name", "How Great Is Our God", "How Great Thou Art", "Amazing Grace" and "Shine Jesus Shine".The entire thing ended at 10 pm where i took the bus n.o 14 back home came home dog tired at 11 and packed for school the next day.
TodayToday I went to sch for some career guidance talk till 12 then we went to tp for more talks on engine and biz sch offered there and what the cut off points wereactually quite boring and ended up with me meeting old friends instead of actually going for talks. Oh well im tired and am going downstairs to watch Singapore idol
My WeekOn mon the entire sec 3 exp,sec 4 exp and sec 5's went to watch some movie called "8 below" to do with 8 dogs and how they surived at the pole in a blizzard. then I had to go to CGH once again this time for more X-rays to find out why my knee has been dislocating so often.then on twes I had to have usual lessonstoday we had the MT drill so an entire day of free periodsI guess I better buckle down and start hitting the books for my o'lvls
MT DrillFor the pass 2 days the o'lvl unit has been having this MT drill that takes them the entire day of nothing but MT paper after paper.As i dont take chinese(or MT) ended up with 19 other students spending our time in school slacking and doing nothing for the entire 2 days.oh well then the HOD of hue is taking us out for a movie on mon so at least there is something good out of the mid-year.
EXAMS ARE OVERYaY The Exams are finally over Had my last paper tooted which was CME(I cant fail this one)yes at least ill get a long weekend to recover from the annoying thoughts of paper after paperyesterday my class had a 3 hour break between papers and ended up with going to simpang to eat prata and ended up with them smoking once again(IM so happy I quit in sec 1)Now the church group wants to dress in formal for church on sun then at least we would all look like Brandon.oh well guess IM going to slack this weekend have to find some thing formal to wear on sun
ExamsExams are such a nightmare esp when you have not studiedfell sick on Sunday after church and ended up having a fever by Monday thank goodness for labour day.On Tuesday I had to take 2 papers(English p1/p2 and s.s) was so sick that when I came home I almost collapsed on the floor.wenesday I had no paper so I dint have to go school Thursday I had phy and maths(I hate maths)and today I had historyoh well I guess history was not that bad, at least I had time to study and kinda knew what to expect.
SundayToday went to church and latter had Ben conducting the lesson.then went for branch with Abby, Amanda, Colleen, Regina, Amos, Brandon, Daniel and Joshua.we then proceeded to Brandon's house where we watched some movie called "skyhigh"almost all had left by 3 leaving only Amanda, Regina and myself. At 3.30 I decided I better come back home. Just as I came in the gate my kneecap decided it wanted to dislocate it self again so I ended up with my leg buckling and a intense pain followed to make matters worse I fell on top of my nephew's toy car and rolled into my brothers motorbike tire.from 4 till now I've been hobbling around the housethink I may miss school tomorrow have to go see the doctor as this is the second time it came dislocated in 3 months.
SaturdayHad to go and report to school today at 7am to help out with this learning fiesta thingy my school had.I kinda ran away from duty to learn how to read Braille which is actually quite interesting.came home dog tired and ended up being out cold for 3 hours.oh well I guess at least I got smt out of going to sch that early.
ThursdayToday was there was another round of prefect sacking. I somehow managed to survive that.Then when the prefect meeting was over I realized I had missed Physics and that my recess had started. On top of that my class is putting me on the chopping block as half of them smoke and almost all bring a banned item of some sort. tomorrow we have even more to do and I found out that I have to go in at 7am on Sat for some school event and the prefects have to go in extra early.
Easter Yesterday I woke up at 5.30Am for sunrise servicethen I went for the 9.30Am service in churchthen went with Daniel, Wesley, Abby, Amanda and Colleen to eat lunch at changi villagethen we went to Daniels chalet where I stayed till 7 smtthen Daniels dad sent Coleen, Amanda and my self back to the Mrt station where I walked home was so tired that I fell asleep at 9.30pm.
MondayToday I received an email telling me thatI had won this newspaper contest I took part in.now the home work is adding up and life is getting more stressful but I guess the main bulk will come after the mid years ok got a go now have to clear some of the massive amount of work.
TGIFThank god its Friday. This week has been so weird it has been full of underage sex stories happening in sch and my crazy classmates trying to hook me up with someone once again.I mean we are taking our O-lvls this year and they are still talking bout hooking me up.I was so tired after sch today that I just flopped on the sofa and fell asleep almost instantly only to wake up to the sound of the annoying horn of my neighbor's car.Oh well tmr the church group are going to see Josh off, he would be gone for 2 months good luck to Andrew.
LIFE SUCKS Today went quite normal till assembly where Mr Loh had to talk to us (of what he said would be a short while) we all go down to the com lab and he starts talking bout the ace learning thingy and that we should use it. Then after that he tells us that we can either go home or stay for to do the program at home. As we were going out the door he yells ar us and maked us go to 4d and starts yelling at us wanting to find out what we are going to do for maths....ect. Then he made us do 40 maths questions on the computer befor we could go home.
Rain Today had POA mock test. While doing the test it started raining. Half way Jill came in to return the calculator she had borrowed. Then it stated to rain like there was no tomorrow. Latter at 3.30 I decided that I had enough waiting and braved the downpour. Came home drenched and was forced to shower as it was freezing. Who was the idiot who left the fan on in my room?
oh well at least there was enough ingredients in the store to cook my self some thing to eat.
Teachers Teachers are so annoying esp TKT
I am so pissed off with her she is so annoying how dare she pick on students and latter blame me for not correcting them, I mean who does she think she is. Oh well I guess I have to put up with her as long as IM in that sch. Yay last year Lao.
OH one more thing I kept thinking of what happen yesterday, still hurts, guess it would take more time
HeartHad my heart shattered once again today and once again feel as if my hopes are dashed.
I guess love is something ill will receive over time. I just cant get what is it Im dooing wrong. Maybe as some have told me its the wrong time to bee thinking bout these things.
oh well life goes on and what dosen't kill me will only make me stronger(even if it hurts).
heres a song ive heard which expresses all my feelings
Where Ever You Are
Come out, moon Come out, wishing star Come out, come out Wherever you are I'm out here in the dark All alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold And my heart's about to break Come and find me I need you to come here and find me'Cause without you I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so farI can only dream of you Wherever you are I'll hear you laugh I'll see you smile I'll be with you Just for a while But when the morning comes And the sun begins to rise I will lose you Because it's just a dream When I open up my eyes I will lose you I used to believe in forever But forever's too good to be true I've hung a wish on ev'ry star It hasn't done much good so far I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder if you're dreaming too Wherever you are Wherever you are
Cake Was up till 2 trying to finish baking the cake for my dads b-day and i ended up with frosting all over the place so i hat to clean up the entire kitchen.
